For each question, select the response that is more characteristic of you, even when neither response describes you perfectly.
1. When an important relationship faces a problem, I am more likely to:
P. Push for my position or outthink the other person.
I. Give more attention to preserving the relationship, even when the actual issue remains unresolved.
2. During disagreement, I tend to:
P. Become preoccupied with the problem.
I. Become preoccupied with the relationship.
3. When someone close to me is struggling, I am more likely to:
P. Take over, give directions, or try to manage the situation for them.
I. Become involved in their feelings, needs, or emotional well-being.
4. I am especially sensitive to:
P. Feeling controlled, overruled, dependent, or unable to determine what happens.
I. Feeling disconnected, excluded, unappreciated, or emotionally distant from others.
5. When a relationship feels uncertain, I tend to:
P. Seek greater control, clearer rules, or a definite decision.
I. Seek contact, reassurance, or signs that the connection is still secure.
6. When another person wants something different from what I want, I am more likely to:
P. Hold firm to my position and resist allowing the other person to influence me.
I. Comply with the other person, so I don’t hurt their feelings.
7. Other people may experience me as someone who:
P. Gives more advice, direction, or correction than necessary.
I. Gives more care, attention, or comfort than necessary.
8. In close relationships, I have a greater tendency to:
P. Assume responsibility for decisions that others could have made for themselves.
I. Assume responsibility for feelings and needs that others could have handled for themselves.
9. When someone appears more knowledgeable or confident than I am, I am more likely to:
P. Resist their influence because I do not want to surrender my independence or judgment.
I. Rely on their direction because trusting them feels safer than deciding for myself.
10. When relational tension becomes uncomfortable, I am more likely to:
P. Become more determined to have the situation resolved my way.
I. Become more concerned that the other person is upset with me.
11. People are more likely to come to me for:
P. Advice, decisions, problem-solving, or direction.
I. Understanding, encouragement, comfort, or care.
12. In an important relationship, I generally feel safer when:
P. I have enough independence and space to make my own choices.
I. I know there is someone dependable whom I can trust and rely upon.
Scoring: Count the number of P and I responses. P______/ I_______
If you scored higher in Power, you may naturally place greater emphasis on independence, influence, decision-making, boundaries, problem-solving, and maintaining your own position.
If you scored higher in Intimacy, you may naturally place greater emphasis on connection, trust, cooperation, caring, support, and maintaining relationships.
Neither orientation is inherently better. Relational success involves recognizing your natural tendency and learning when the situation calls for more Power or more Intimacy.
Power and Intimacy can each be expressed in different ways. In the Relational Success model, these are described as four relational strategies: Active Power, Uninvolved Power, Passive Intimacy, and Involved Intimacy. Your score is a starting point, not a diagnosis or a judgment about the health of your relationships.
Interested in understanding your results and relational strategies more fully?
Schedule an appointment with John to learn more about Relational Success.